Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 15 (BAK 4M TEH DEDZ!)

Post your text based stories or read other user's pieces of fiction here!
Warning! This topic is 8 years and 9 months old! Please consider opening a new topic rather that bumping up this very old post.
Locked
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 15 (BAK 4M TEH DEDZ!)

Post by Blazing Groudon »

Instead of making more stupid stories about Link and Skyrim, I'm deciding to take a turn and go into analyzing some of the horrors on the internet that have more horror in their own stupidity than their plot. Let's get ready to read some bad creepypasta!

Subject 1: Unbranded Laptop

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Unbranded_Laptop
Spoiler:
My brother moved out of the house back in 2002 once he got his job as a computer technician, and he recently went missing. When I went to his house, it was locked, with 3 sheets of printer paper taped to the front door.

While coming home from work one day, I noticed someone had left their damaged grey laptop laying in the middle of my driveway. I got out of my car to examine it more carefully.

The LCD definitely showed signs of user related damage. There was a large hole on the left side of the screen that appeared to fit a standard Phillips Head screwdriver perfectly. There was a webcam above the display, and it was also destroyed with the same screwdriver. Other than those, everything else on the computer showed minor signs of wear. Almost all of the keyboard's keys were faded, but not to the extent that the laptop could be considered unusable. I looked at the back of the display to find out what brand it is, but I couldn't find anything. I looked at the entire laptop's shell, but there was no text or logo stating what brand it was. In fact, there was no warranty sticker, no "Proof of license" sticker on the bottom, no text whatsoever. What was even more odd was the fact that the only ports on the laptop were a VGA port for connecting an external display and a USB port. How long could this laptop have possibly run without a charging port to recharge the battery? It must have been a very low end laptop where you had to remove the battery pack and put it into its own charging dock. Why did it exactly have a web cam, though?

Curious as to what was on the laptop, I ran inside to my basement where my old desktop was currently being stored. The reason it was down there was because I forgot to bring that behemoth to the local SarCan to recycle it. I would have been using it as my regular computer, but it takes 5 or 6 hours to fully boot because the system always goes through recovery mode every time you start it, and the processor is way too slow to "recover" everything on the 500 GB hard drive I had installed on it [A 120mhz Pentium processor doesn't get you far]. I removed the old LG CRT monitor from the desktop and plugged it into the laptop. I went to push the power button when...

... I stopped. There's no way this is going to work, the battery has to be dead by now.

I rummaged around the basement to find my battery voltage tester and immediately withdrew the battery from the laptop and checked the voltage. Lo and behold, it had no charge. Well, I thought, might as well just leave it and take everything to SarCan tomorrow morning. With that, I unplugged the display from the laptop, put it back into the desktop and simply left everything downstairs. After leaving the basement I went to go watch TV for about 3 hours or so before going to bed.

I was suddenly awakened from my deep slumber by the sound of the Windows 2000 start up jingle, and fell out of my bed. It was so deafeningly loud, I swore someone was holding a pair of speakers right next to my ears. I stood up in a groggy daze, and it took a couple of minutes to figure out what the sound was. The desktop! I must have accidentally hit the power switch while trying to switch monitors! I headed to the basement, but froze in the middle of the steps. I just remembered there was no way my computer could have started up, because I have Windows 95 installed on my desktop. I was reluctant to go down the steps after that, but my common sense started kicking in and I thought I must be getting my OS's mixed up. When I walked down, I was shocked to see that my desktop wasn't on; in fact, I remembered it wasn't even plugged in. I had to make sure of it though. I checked behind the desktop - everything else was plugged in except for the tower. There was absolutely no chance of that laptop turning on, it was impossible. I removed the battery from the laptop again and re-checked the voltage.

This time, I couldn't get a direct number. The voltage tester was just going insane.

I re-inserted the battery and pressed the power button on the laptop. Some indicator lights flashed, meaning the computer definitely started, except this time the start up jingle wasn't played at all. I needed to see what was going on here. I connected the CRT monitor back into the laptop. And what I saw...

... was a bare desktop with 3 icons in the corner. The task bar was empty, and there was no Start menu button.
The wallpaper was black. Why would anyone do this to their desktop? Anyone could remove all the icons, but
Desktop2.png

they had to be pretty skilled hackers to remove the Start Menu button. Of the 3 icons, one was a Games folder, one was a Videos folder, and the last was the DOS Command Prompt program. Maybe this was a kids' laptop? Clicking on the Games folder confirmed my suspicions; a little girl must have owned this laptop. I felt some remorse for the poor girl because there was only 1 game in the folder. The program name was "princess.exe". I clicked on it just to see what the game was like. A fully animated title screen came up, with various generic fairytale princesses twirling across the screen, and then the logo flew down with a bunch of sparkly doves holding it. The game was called "Princess Creator: Make yourself Beautiful!" Ah, so it must have been one of those low budget "put .png of various clothing items onto a photo of yourself" games. I was right, as the menu popped up I was given the option to "Dress up" or to "View pretty pictures". I wanted to see what the girl looked like, so I clicked on the 2nd option. She had to have been no more than 5, and on top of that she looked very cute. She was of either Mexican or
That girl.

Spanish origin. She wore a somewhat tattered white dress with small red frills around the sleeves and collar. It had small roses on it. I smiled, as she looked like she had a lot of fun putting a virtual tiara on her head. However, browsing through the photos, about halfway through, there were pictures of a room with nothing else but a bed inside. She must've been dodging the camera for the hell of it, I guess.

After that I felt I'd seen enough with that program, and might as well go see the other 2 files on the laptop. I decided to go into the Command Prompt to see if I could locate any other files on the hard drive. I simply got a ":\>_" line with no drive letter. Ok, this is really strange, I thought. I typed into the command box "start C:\" to see if I could open the directory I wanted to explore. I pressed enter, and DOS simply replied " 'start' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file." After a few seconds, the program crashed, bringing me back to the desktop. So I guess the last thing to look at is the videos. As I double clicked the folder...
... and the screen faded to black. I thought it had crashed, but I noticed that there was a small "_" flashing in the top left corner.

Suddenly, the text "start :\>videos\001.wmv" flashed briefly, then a video appeared in full screen. It was the girl again. This time, she was smiling, bouncing slightly in excitement. Her happiness made my heart feel warm. My guess was that she must've been recording herself play the dress up game with the webcam. At first she was simply moving her finger across the track pad, clicking, then giggling excitedly for a bit. She must've been laughing at the things she put on herself in the game. After about 2 minutes or so, the screen would cut to black for a fraction of a second and then return to the girl playing the game. This time, however, she was dressed differently, in a simple pink t-shirt with the words "Go Go Girl!" stitched in glitter. I guessed the game was recording her every time she started it, without her knowing. That made me sort of uneasy - I mean, why would anyone program a game to do that? Whatever, I guessed it was going to be the same sort of thing over and over with the video, so I might as well turn off the computer. I reached over and pressed the power button, and...

... It didn't shut off this time. The video continued to play, and I saw the girl this time was wearing an orange tank top with nothing on it. She was smiling and giggling as usual, and I thought maybe I could turn off the computer after the video is done. It couldn't be that long. The video seemed to drag on, with more cuts of her playing the game in a different outfit, and I started to doze off. However, after the next cut in the video...

The girl was just staring at the camera with an expressionless look on her face. Wondering what the hell was going on, I become interested in the video again. This one didn't make me smile. It made me extremely uneasy to watch her without her usual smiley face on. It was dark in the room, but there was 1 desk light on at the side. She was in some sort of night wear. What was she going to do? She sat there for a minute with that blank expression, like she wasn't thinking at all. I started to get really tense, as if something awful was about to happen.

She bent over and picked up a hand saw from the left side of where she was sitting. She held it in front of her, showing it to the camera. Then, she placed the jagged blade on the side of her cheek. I cringed at what I was seeing. Slowly, she began slicing into her right cheek. Blood drizzled down her neck as she did it. Slowly, the side of her teeth began to show after about 10 seconds. As the saw went lower on her face, more of her teeth began to show on the side. Blood covered almost the entire right side of her face. She eventually got to the bottom of her jaw bone, and sawed a tiny piece off of it too. Her cheek fell to the ground with a small thud, and she put the saw in her lap and continued to stare at the camera, emotionless. I couldn't take much more of this and tore the battery out of the laptop - but the video continued to play.

Then, the next cut began. The girl screamed in extreme pain. I almost fell out of my seat, it was so loud. She screamed, and put her hands over her now absent cheek. She continued to scream in agony for about 10 seconds, then a knocking was heard from the side. It was a woman, yelling in a language I couldn't understand. She was pounding the door, but not opening it. The girl must have locked it. I tried to unplug the monitor from the laptop but it was stuck in. I didn't want to see what happens next! The screaming and the yelling continued up until the next cut.

She was back in her emotionless state again, but her cheek was still missing. The woman at the door was pounding and yelling still. It must have been her mother. The girl then raised the saw up to her right shoulder, and began cutting just as slowly as last time. I gagged at the sight of this. It was a holocaust of wrong. The blood began to stream out in all directions. The yelling behind the door fell silent. I guessed the other woman was trying to get someone to help her, either the father or brother or what not. When she hit the bone, an awful grinding noise could be heard. I covered my ears, but I could still hear it vividly through my hands. I noticed that a piece of her muscle got stuck on one of the steel teeth of the saw. This cut ended a lot faster than before, and the next cut was the same thing except the color from her face was draining, and her pain ridden screams became quickly weaker. Her clothing was completely red with blood on the right side.

Then, she became emotionless again. Oh god, what is she going to cut off next? The mother returned with what sounded like 2 other people, and they were all yelling in the same language as before. She raised the saw, and began cutting the right side of her head off. Loud thuds were sounding at the door. They were trying to knock it down. She continued to work her way down, with blood going in all sorts of directions. The thuds still repeated themselves on the door. I was mostly confused as to how she kept going, even after she went through her brain with the saw. Her right eye rolled into the back of her head. Blood began leaking out of it. She eventually made it to the top of her mouth, where she hacked her way through bones and teeth. It was the single worst sound I have ever heard in my entire life. I still hear it in the back of my head some days. The thuds continued, and deep in the back of my mind I hoped they wouldn't be able to break the door down so they wouldn't have to see such an awful sight. She finally made it through, and with that, the right side of her head fell to the side of her neck, held on only by a piece of skin. I remember the chilling sound of her jaw being unhinged when it was tugged violently by the force of the top half of her head. She put the saw down to her side.

The cut ended, and in the next cut, she simply fell face down onto the desk. Half her brain fell out onto the desk on impact, and her eye popped out of its socket. Blood pooled on the desk. The people trying to break down the door finally made it in, and they were hysterical at what they saw. Their daughter was in pieces. The mother vomited and ran out of the room. The father ran to the daughter, put her head back together and cried, holding her head at the side of his. The other man, presumably the girl's older brother, simply stared in horror at what he saw.

The horrifying self mutilation finished with that cut, and the screen cut back to the empty room with the bed. With a sigh of relief that it was over I sat there, breathing heavily and sweating. I didn't realize that the room was so hot until now. I had so many questions to ask. How was all this possible? It frightened me, and I spent a good 30 minutes sitting in the chair, and finally, I got the courage to get up. I looked back at the laptop for what I hoped was the last time. The room with the bed glared on the screen. Then, it cut to something else.

It was a cut of my face, in the basement, using the laptop.
...And? Nothing after that? Man, I just read over that and it can't be possibly true, at all. I mean what the heck? A girl commits suicide over nothing? Man, that must've been one bad Laptop. Also, it just ends there. The guy never reports it to the police, never asks neighbors, or anything? I mean did he just want to keep this XXX gory kid self-assault to himself?

The biggest piece of incriminating evidence are the photos in the article. I mean look at 'the picture of the laptop'. He just happened to have it in a freaking white background? Also, the picture doesn't even match the pasta's description of it. As for the desktop screenshot, how would he have been able to take a screenshot and upload it online? As for the photo of the girl, well yeah. That's a girl. Make sure she doesn't do anything with that toothbrush, which isn't mentioned in the pasta at all. In all this adds up to a pasta that was well written, kept me entertained, although it had plotholes galore and the photos hurt it more than helped it.

SO I hope that provided a good look into the fascinating world of internet stories that didn't fit the bill, and I'll make more posts with more stories soon.
Last edited by Blazing Groudon on Sat Aug 04, 2012 7:26 pm, edited 14 times in total.
Koromaru
Adept Chao
Adept Chao
Posts: 269
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:19 am

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 1

Post by Koromaru »

Well.

If he reported it to the police, he would be a HUGE suspect in the case because some people report their own crimes to get themselves out of trouble. So it would be a better idea to say nothing.

And I was actually in the thread when that pasta was made, there were no photos other than a generic laptop.
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 1

Post by Blazing Groudon »

Then at least the guy should've told his brother if he recognized her or anything. And if the police still found out he'd be just about certainly blamed because he was keeping it from them.
User avatar
zigazav
Child Chao
Child Chao
Posts: 19
Joined: Fri Jan 27, 2012 11:34 pm
Contact:

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 1

Post by zigazav »

I thought I'd find something I could bare to read, but no, I couldn't bare to read anymore somewhere around the middle area of this, please remove this if you can! Many people don't want the image of this in their mind like I have! :no: :chaocry: :stomp:
These are my brother's chao "Hero" (a Hero Chao) and "Shadow" (a Shadow Chao), sleeping together. :) Awwww! How sweet! ^^
Image
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I like Chao and Chaos 0! My brother's Chao became a Shadow Chao.
EDIT: Shadow is getting closer to 2nd stage evolution!
User avatar
Pumpkinium
Expert Chaos Chao
Expert Chaos Chao
Posts: 4225
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:37 pm
Motto: Face the crowd, and bleed for them.
Location: Pumpkin Hill
Contact:

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 1

Post by Pumpkinium »

Other then the plotholes, its pretty creepy to me. :I
Image
|Listography|discord: Jhin#1115|
Koromaru
Adept Chao
Adept Chao
Posts: 269
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:19 am

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 1

Post by Koromaru »

zigazav wrote:I thought I'd find something I could bare to read, but no, I couldn't bare to read anymore somewhere around the middle area of this, please remove this if you can! Many people don't want the image of this in their mind like I have! :no: :chaocry: :stomp:
It's a CREEPYpasta.

The intention of a creepypasta is to:

A. Give you bad mental images, scare you
B. Be plain creepy, scare you
C. Have an OHSHI- plot twist, scare you
D. All of the above, and scare you
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 1

Post by Blazing Groudon »

If you don't want to read it then don't read it, dude. Also the story itself is even spoilered.

Anyway it's time for more bad creepypasta. This one's really bad.

Subject 2: GHOST

http://fyeahpokemoncreepypasta.tumblr.c ... 5257/ghost
Spoiler:
So, yeah. I’ve recently saved my friend from being controlled by Ruby.

^_^

My name is Topaz, but people call me the randomizer. Yes, I’m random, but I love pokemon. Especilly GHOST. GHOST is my life. He saved me by letting me out of a “game” called pokemon Blue. I let him do the same to Ruby Platinum. She wwas trapped in a game called pokemon platinum. My full name is Topaz Blue, here is my life.

^_^

I was born and raised in Pallet town, until I was 11 ans ready for my pokemon! Everything was normal until I got to Lavender town. When I reached the top floor of the pokemon tower, I met GHOST. He helped me whatever the cost, and eventually, we got to the pokemon legue! We beat the Eliet 4, and the Champion too! Then, it happened…

^_^

I realised that I was in a game. I was furious! When the human that controlled me next played, she would have a big surprise!!!

<_>

Yup. It’s me! Topaz Smith! Lovin Pokemon all day, every day! I’ve got 5 minutes, so here we go!

<_>

For about a month now, I’ve been controlled by Topaz Blue. Not nice.

4 minutes remaining!

I get 5 minutes a week. Also, not nice.

3 minutes remaining!

Got to hurry now! Help me be free forever. I live at 23 beachworth road, Hav…

^_^

Time cut short Topaz! Back to me! Anyway, where was I? Oh yes! Topaz did have the biggest surpise ever known! I would move the opposite direction to where she told me to move, or I would say “Not moving Human!”. She was able to occasionally control me, not often. Eventually, I became independent on myself. One night, me and GHOST were talking and he suggested that we bust out. So we did. Long story short, I visited her dreams. She had every starter pokemon with her, and I had GHOST. We won. Thats why I’m here. Telling you what really happened. Topaz Blue is the ultimate trainer. Yes, I am.

Many regards,

Topaz Blue…

YoUr WoRsT nIgHtMaRe ^_^
I really, really hope that was a troll creepypasta. Like I just can't read that. It's 5x funnier than it is scary. "i m topz blu ur worst nightmare ^_^'. I couldn't tell what was going on the whole time. Unbranded Laptop was a great story, it just had plotholes and an abrupt ending. This was just like a 10 year old girl who plays Pokemon had to write a scary story in as little time as possible. As well as any attempt at being unnerving is soiled by constant '^_^'s and spelling mistakes. I'm going to feel dumb for even explaining why this is fake, but here goes:

'I "realised" I was in a game! I was furious! <_>'

How could a character in a game realize it's in a game? (Just that alone debunks 60% of video game creepypasta) Even if it did, how would it be able to go against its coding? That would be like saying a human learns how to fly to Jupiter just because he realized he was trapped on Earth.

Man now I can feel this thread picking up. More badness is coming soon. Expect it.
User avatar
Sable
Expert Chaos Chao
Expert Chaos Chao
Posts: 4071
Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2008 1:20 pm
Location: Sumter
Contact:

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 2

Post by Sable »

holy **** WHY
User avatar
Pumpkinium
Expert Chaos Chao
Expert Chaos Chao
Posts: 4225
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:37 pm
Motto: Face the crowd, and bleed for them.
Location: Pumpkin Hill
Contact:

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 2

Post by Pumpkinium »

Image
Image
|Listography|discord: Jhin#1115|
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 2

Post by Blazing Groudon »

Riku wrote:holy **** WHY
Because Topaz Blue is the ultimate trainer, and she's telling you what really happened.
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 2

Post by Blazing Groudon »

(Double post because it would confuse anyone who would have seen the original post in it.)

Well out of boredom, I'm putting up some more; two subjects in one day kiddies, and out of all things, this is what gets a subject:

Subject 3: My Little Pony - How Equestria was Made

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/My_Li ... a_Was_Made
Spoiler:
You may know the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. After all it's been making quite a sensation on the internet, taking 4chan itself by storm, spawning countless artwork and fan fiction. A fan of the show at 21 years of age, I'm a "Brony", as they call us. Detractors call us gay, but we laugh at them. Honestly, Friendship is Magic is a great show. Contrarily to the previous generation, where the characters did little more than mindlessly partying, FiM has excellent plots (for the fans reading this: no, not plots in that meaning), good characterisation, humor, even villains that occasionally (I'm looking at you, Discord) are creepier than you would expect from a show about magical ponies, and fandom makes it all complete!

Yet now I have stumbled upon something that unnerved me greatly about it. I can't find an explanation for it. It's hard to dismiss it as the work of some prankster because it looks like a tremendous amount of effort would have gone into creating something like this to no great payoff. The alternative? I don't even want to think about it.

What I have found was located in the episode "Cutie Mark Chronicles" I have downloaded. The link has mysteriously disappeared soon after I had downloaded it, so don't bother looking, you won't find it. All other episodes downloaded from the same source seem perfectly legit.

As for "Cutie Mark Chronicles", it too seemed perfectly legit as I watched, up until the point when Pinkie Pie usually begins talking about her cutie mark. When she does, instead of cutting to her story of life on a rock farm and how Rainbow Dash's Rainboom made her discover her passion for partying, it cuts to something that should not have been in a cartoon at all.

Live-action, of all things. The quality of the image is good, but too shaky to be a professional movie. It's a battlefield. On Earth, or what appears to be Earth. Soldiers, humans, firing at an enemy, offscreen. There are explosions (from rockets?), detonations like landmines, decimating their ranks. Most disturbingly some of the soldiers' heads litterally explode, like in that Scanners movie, spraying blood everywhere. At first I kind of assumed some sort of gun does that, but I was swiftly proven wrong. Screams of pain and horror ring in the air.

Puzzled, I assumed that the file was somehow mixed with a war movie in the process, but no, that would have been too simple. The camera turned around to show the enemy, zoomed in. My heart skipped a beat or five.
For Equestria!
Unicorns, by the dozens. Their horns are glowing. The evidence is there, they are at the origin of this massacre. Someone in the herd is generating a force shield to keep attacks at bay, apparently, since not one bullet makes it to the unicorns. Some are pelting the enemies with magical bolts. How could I have taken those for rockets?

This may sound silly, an army getting massacred by something out of a children's cartoon. But trust me, there is nothing funny in that video. The unicorns, I should precise, are also all live and three-dimensional. But they don't look like actual real life ponies. They look wrong. They look like ponies from FiM, but in live-action. Shaped like itself? But that's the best explanation I can offer. Same form of the snout, same oversized eyes. This is a lot more disturbing than it sounds like on paper. In a cartoon stylized proportions look cute, in real life those same proportions become disturbing, like a travesty against common sense and all we know and hold to be logical and true.

By now my windpipe felt crushed, like one of the beasts themselves held me in a telekinetic hold. I could hardly breathe, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Who had created something like this? And why? Those unicorns looked so real. The fear on the soldiers' faces, the explosions blowing them to bits and their heads being reduced to bloody chunks, it all looked real. I remember watching it, hypnotized, and muttering to myself: "computer graphics, computer graphics, computer graphics..." like a mantra. To this day, I tell myself this was computer graphics, even though it looked more real than any computer graphics I've heard of. Because the alternative is... what is it, exactly? I was watching a video from a parallel realm? A realm a lot like ours but where humans and magical ponies existed together? The idea is preposterous.

Preposterous! Laughable! Ridiculous!

...yet, so oddly plausible.

The damn video was not finished with me. I cannot remember everything I saw on that tape. The battle was no longer shown, but there was more footage, and some still pictures. There was a human head being crushed under a hoof, splattering brain matter all over the pavement like an overly ripe fruit. There was a child, a little girl, gruesomely impaled on a long, wickedly sharp unicorn horn like a shish-kebab. Her face showed horror and sadness alike. Perhaps this little girl had once loved unicorns, played with dolls of them. Now she was facing one first-hand, suffering an atrocious death at the hands of the magical creature. Footage again: a pegasus swooping high into the sky, carrying a man between its legs. Moments later, the man hurtles down from the skies, screaming in abject terror just before turning into a pancake on the ground.

For the grand finale, the camera starts showing the sun. For whatever reason, the sun is way too close to the Earth, looming, almost filling the skies. The silhouette of an alicorn appears in the sky, for a mere second or two.

And then the sun explodes, releasing a wave of fire. A hundred voices in unison start screaming in agony as the intolerable heat washes over them, to be suddenly silenced as the footage mercifully and finally ends.

I don't know what to make of this.

The footage cuts back to Pinkie Pie just as she says her famous line.

"And that's how Equestria was made."
I just-

What is-

This-

That was stupid. It was just obviously a brony vs antibrony propaganda thing. I mean there was no sort of basis on where he got this episode, other than 'the download link disappeared', which is another creepypasta stereotype in itself.

Also you can tell it was a fan story because of how casual the description of MLP itself is. The author has to mention how 'we laugh at the detractors' and how it's so hated. Another thing is the motive. Why would Lauren Faust have a mind that sick, especially here? Oh yeah. She wouldn't.

As you can tell, the pasta'a are getting bad. I must however push further, to see just how bad the things I can find are.
Triert
Master Chaos Chao
Master Chaos Chao
Posts: 5682
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:36 am

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 3

Post by Triert »

Blazing Groudon is the Nostalgia Critic of creepypastaa.
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 3

Post by Blazing Groudon »

You have to admit this stuff could've been better. UL was the best one so far.
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 3

Post by Blazing Groudon »

(Double post again? Man I'm trying to keep the posts apart for simplicity, but I need more discussion.)

Anyway out of boredom, I'm gonna do a pasta requested by Koromaru.

Subject 4: CATHOUSE.EXE

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/CatHouse.exe
Spoiler:
This diary was found in a abandoned house on January 5 of 2007

September 5 2004

Today my father died. I found a CD ROM in his stuff. I'm going to check it sometime tomorrow.

September 8 2004

Hmm, it seems it has only one game, called CatHouse. I opened it, popped it in the computer, and started playing it. This game is bad, it only some guy walking on a house full of black cats. Something creepy happened- the screen turned black.

September 10 2004

I played back the game this time, it has another option that says 'Die'. I don't know why that is there. I was too scared to click it. I clicked the option play and I started to play it again, but it was the same thing just black cats in a house. I saved the game to play it late.

Unknown date

Oh my god today I have found a dead cat in my room and it was black just like the game. I threw it away in a trash can. I'm not going to play that game anymore...

October 7 2004

Okay, I finally could be able to play the game again. I was on level 2 doing the same thing again until I have found a man that was saying to me "Dont go to level 4" and then got away! I didnt believe in the man the house was getting bigger on every level so I had to finish exploring the house in every level the strange thing it was that the house was too big in level 2 I mean it was level 2 how do it will be that big?

October 8 2004

I finally got to level 3. It seems very diferent, the house now looked like a haunted house and all the cats had died in horrible ways some were hanged other ones where opened from their stomach and others where decapitated it was horrible! Then when I got to the kitchen in the game I found an old lady that said "Silence, he is going to find us..." The screen turned black and there appears a message saying you are now on level 4.

October 11 2004

I was on level 4 today the game is getting scarier... this time I had to run from a demon that was trying to kill me! I was running, yet I was almost finishing exploring all the house but then... it killed me.

October 12 2004

I'm feeling really bad today, I think I see black cats everywhere in my house but my mom doesn't see them. I can't sleep because the cats scratch me at night. Nobody can see my scratches... just me and I think I can't breathe...
Unknown date

Do not play cathouse.

The police also have found the CD that haves the game one of them played it and was found dead the next week. The game is actually being investigated. A diary talking about the same game was found before this one in a trash can on 2005. The diary was unfinished.

January 18 2005

Im playing CatHouse today. I finally came to level 4- it's really creepy.

January 19 2005

I just saved the game on a CD ROM.

January 20 2005

Im scared. I've been seeing cats everywhere, they scratch me, and I think im sick. January 23 2003

My family has been brutally killed and I don't know what to do.

This diary only had four pages because the other ones were torn off.

We still dont know how the victim's father got that game we are stilll investigating-Unknow Organization 18 of June 2010.
Well. This one could've been slightly worse, but it as it turned out it wasn't very believable. At all. There were story plotholes as well as even emotional plotholes. I mean this kid's dad died and he seems more concerned about a freaking computer game his dad just happened to randomly have (and the dad must've never made any mention of it). Then it appears there were randomly 'unknown dates', and then later entries with dates; if he could put entries in partly why couldn't he put them in for all of them?

And then this one had pictures to it as well, although they hardly help the legitimacy of the story. The demon picture from level 4 looks like a scribble (and the story itself just randomly throws it in at that one point, with it having no other role in the story after), and the 'title menu' looks like it was done on MS Paint, especially since the font used is a font that can be used in Paint and Word Processor (I believe it's called 'Algerian'). Just like Unbranded Laptop, there also poses the question of how the author could've gotten those pictures uploaded to the internet.

In all it could've been even worse, and was a good start to creepypasta writing, but it is still mediocre and has just about no legitimacy.

Well I'm going to see what other trash I can find around the web. Again, I actually found out about this one from Koromaru, not myself.
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 4

Post by Blazing Groudon »

Oh man I got a triple.

Subject 5: Religion of the 21st Century

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Relig ... st_Century
Spoiler:
An historical study of the pre-Renaissance society of the 21st Century

Since adolescence I have had a fascination with history, especially the mysterious Dark Ages of the early centuries of the second millennium. Since the Last Wars and the Period of Reconstruction, a great deal of knowledge concerning those ancient times has been lost. It has only been in recent decades that a few curious inquirers such as myself have been able to sift through the artifacts of the Old World and what remains of its documentation to discern what life was like in those days.

It is with great excitement and curiosity that I submit this document to our archives, describing my most recent discovery from the Dark Ages. It focuses on a peculiar religion that seemed to grow over time from pre-history, to become THE religion of the 21st century, leading up to – and perhaps contributing to – the collapse of society and the beginning of the darkness.

The Dark Ages were ruled by clever, selfish individuals, who misinformed their masses to manipulate them with fear and anger, hatred and greed. Ignorance was the highlight of the beginning of the 21st Century, when those who were in power wanted to remain there, by utilizing innocent words and ideas like “conservative” notions and “traditional” ideas to keep people trapped where they wanted them. What began with a decay of the public education system and corruption of the mass media became an all-out war against Science and Progress. The powers-that-be brought civilization to its knees with their influence. And all their power came from this one symbol, of this one idea, this religion that ruled them all.

To fully understand this religion you must first open your mind to the idea of a new form of worship, different from that of the better-remembered spiritual beliefs. This 21st century religion was of a very different style and form, manifesting itself in strange, new ways like no religion to come before it.

What little I can discern about this new religion comes most of all from the symbol I noticed in a great many documents. This symbol represents the idea that is central to this religion, and can be found in articles regarding virtually every aspect of the ancient society of man. This new idol of worship was even influencing the other religions during its own rise to power.

Living in that old, primitive society, one could not go through a day, much less a life without having to think about this entity. It affected one's health, ones class and status, power and happiness. This icon shaped nations and communities, defined people's lives, sometimes granting them unimaginable power, other times ruining them.

I greatly enjoy my time working in the fields, contributing to the collective. But I find greater pleasure in my free time when I can study subjects that interest me. I am fascinated by the Old World's system of work. It appears, from other, more professional studies, that in the Dark Ages, and before, people would strive to work at different occupations in order to earn a better living. Today we share everything, and no one goes wanting. But in those days, based on how much favor one managed to incur with their all-encompassing 'God,' you could have all the material possessions available to be taken, or you could be detained in what was called a 'prison.' A family might idle on a beach in perpetual holiday, or toil until their premature deaths simply in order to keep themselves fed and sheltered. It was all up to this religion everyone believed in.

Based on some documents containing the religion's symbol, I have determined that there were even 'priests' of this religion. Huge hierarchies of devotees whose whole lives were dedicated to the growth, gospel and control of this religious powerhouse. These priests organized themselves into many factions, separated into competing sects, and they built churches and temples to worship in, tall, soaring towers that competed to stretch higher into the heavens.

Some people tried to go through life without worshiping this godhead, and most of them suffered for it. Others fought and killed one another for the idol and usually it was the masters of these warriors who accumulated the favor of their god.

Even as religious fanatics of other spiritual beliefs killed one other and themselves for their honour of their gods, they all had this one, 'other religion' in common.

This wildly powerful belief took on many names, and its symbol changed depending on where you lived in the world. But it all meant the same thing. Everyone knew what it was and feared the power it held. This religion was the most real, life-changing belief known to man. This 'God' touched everyone's lives every single day.

Though in reality it was all based on an abstract idea, a value given to people, places and things, infused in special metal objects and scraps of paper. Those papers, those objects all defined the entire world in that old society, because people let them. It was all in their heads. Every single person, buying into the belief, allowing themselves to be part of the same cult, the same imaginary spiritual conspiracy.

They had temples they called “offices,” sects known as “businesses,” high-ranking priests with titles like “executives,” and “bosses.” Collecting talismans called “dollars,” and “coins,” people tried to gain favor with the higher power. But after the Period of Reconstruction it was all forgotten. Or nearly. There are just a few scraps of the Old World left for us to study, so we can still try and understand how those simple-minded, selfish, pitiful people could allow mere idea – and an ugly, greedy, unjust idea at that – rule their entire lives, their whole world. The symbol that they used to represent their god, their religion, at least in one great Empire of the Old World was this: $
That was just horrible. I don't mean even bad; I'm just appalled. I mean this was the most obvious BS propaganda against modern religion and politics; it didn't even try to hide it. I mean that description of modern religions is completely inaccurate and biased. It outright basically is multiple paragraphs of bashing Christianity, probably written by some butthurt Atheist who got into a religious argument.

As well this also doesn't have much basis. It looks like it takes place in the future, while the writer appears to actually be very ignorant of modern customs, so it must take place many, many years in the future, where English would have at least changed a little. (Maybe it did change and 'An Historical' might be right somehow.)

This one was just horrible how someone would blatantly hate on modern customs and beliefs so much. I'm literally amazed at how someone could be so rude to anyone's beliefs.

As for the next one I'm debating a few different stories and hopefully I'll come up with something good. Or do I mean bad? I really don't know. There's just gonna be another one soon.
Last edited by Blazing Groudon on Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Sable
Expert Chaos Chao
Expert Chaos Chao
Posts: 4071
Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2008 1:20 pm
Location: Sumter
Contact:

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 5

Post by Sable »

Are you stupid?
That one is amazing.
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 5

Post by Blazing Groudon »

Okay we're already on subject 6, and the pastas seem to only be getting worse. Read this next one and you'll see what I mean.

Subject 6: last of among us

http://www.freestoriescenter.com/storyv ... ntry=10408
Spoiler:
its the year 2067 a sice excperiment went wrong and made theese canable cretiors named zombies and brought dead back to life its me manddy amber,drake.and mike we have a feeling we are the only ones left on the face of the earth but were not sure theese are our stories drake how much ammo is left in my spaz-12

only 11 shells so not much thanks for letting me know its only a matter of time befor the zombies discover us in the house so lets check ammo gernads and amber have you made anymore maltavs? yes but i only had enough to make 4 ok hey has anyone seen mike? ya he went downstairs for what? apperintly he has claymors when he based the army base so he,s setting them down wow thats awsome oh and hey do any of you know what guns we have with us um ya we have a desert egal your spaz-12 m-16 44 magnum and a sniper alright

chapter 2 the invasion

hey you guys hear that! hear what mike sounds like zombies. alright who ever has the sniper gets up here
Before saying anything I'd just like to leave this here.

Image

Okay that was just so horrible I don't even know where to begin. Even forgiving the (unforgivable) grammar and spelling, this story had a very dumb and unrealistic plot, no character development at all, and an abrupt ending. I mean it sounds like Rubs made the plot of a Left 4 Dead game.

Again with the spelling just about every weapon name is spelled wrong. I don't know how one can fight off zombies with 'grenads', 'maltavs', 'claymors', a 'desert egal', or a 'spaz-12'. It's like a 5 year old made a story about Der Riese. The second chapter is also literally two sentences, neither of which sound more like the end of a chapter than the beginning of one, but it's the ending of the whole thing, and my patience with this story.

This is as of now the worst story in the thread, it could very well be one of the worst stories on the internet itself.

That really set the bar low, but perhaps buried within the internet there could be something even worse. Only time (and more subjects) will tell.
CelebiLv6
Courageous Chao
Courageous Chao
Posts: 486
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2011 10:31 pm

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 6 (Worst one yet!

Post by CelebiLv6 »

^Your paragraph was longer than the story.
hello.
i was 9 or so when i used this account actively.
please disregard anything posted.
User avatar
Pumpkinium
Expert Chaos Chao
Expert Chaos Chao
Posts: 4225
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:37 pm
Motto: Face the crowd, and bleed for them.
Location: Pumpkin Hill
Contact:

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 6 (Worst one yet!

Post by Pumpkinium »

I could type a one sentance story about my foot and it would be better then that.
Image
|Listography|discord: Jhin#1115|
Crash32
Master Chaos Chao
Master Chaos Chao
Posts: 5089
Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 8:19 am
Motto: <- Probably a reference to The Simpsons
Location: This is Tumblr, right? No pls don't be offended b-baka!!
Contact:

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 6 (Worst one yet!

Post by Crash32 »

I've got the best Creepypasta to cheer us up after that... that abomination.

*ahem* here it is:
Spoiler:
There once was an ugly barnacle
He was so ugly that everyone died.
THE END.
Last edited by Crash32 on Sat Mar 03, 2012 2:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 6 (Worst one yet!

Post by Blazing Groudon »

Guys I was starting to run out of good material after that last one. After many, many minutes spent scowering the internet for more stories, I finally found another story; a very old Japanese folk tale. You see I've always viewed Japan's modern culture as very strange, with colorful anime and toilets you can play pee-based games on. The old Japan always seemed more serious. I was wrong- these guys have been thinking up weirdness all along.

Subject 7: Shirime

http://www.blogengage.com/story.php?tit ... e-of-japan
Spoiler:
Japan is a culture that is home to many fantastic creatures. The supernatural entities that roam this land may range from the benign to the extremely disturbing. One such creature is the Shirime.


As the legend goes, back in the days of feudal Japan, a lone samurai was patrolling the streets of his town at the dead night. Suddenly, he hears a voice call out to him. The samurai cautiously looks around but finds that he is alone. As he continues on, he hears the voice again, telling the samurai to wait for it. He spins around, drawing his sword as he does so, and he sees an eerie looking man undressing. He walks toward the samurai. It is unknown whether the samurai is frozen in place out of fear or by the creature’s magic.

What transpired next is truly disturbing , – the creature turns around and points his bare buttocks at the hapless samurai. And where the creature’s anus should be, the samurai finds a huge menacing eye glaring at him instead. The creature was then called Shirime or , “anus eye”. The legends about the creature do not say what happened to the samurai. But fair warning to those who may someday find themselves walking along Japan’s quiet country roads, the Shirime may still be out there.
These stories are now driving me to the point of using Rage Faces.

Image

That was just one of the most bizarre things I've ever read. It sounds like a freaking horror movie mixed with a shock image. Like that was just so strange I barely wanna be even typing about it from the awkwardness. What did the samurai do to deserve punishment that cruel and unusual? Even stranger, what was this creatures strange and awkward motive for his... ...actions? I can only imagine the awkwardness of some ancient Japanese man telling that story around a fire. I mean where would someone even get inspiration for that?

In all I think this was more of a story that wasn't even meant to instill great fear into a listener, although I can't really think of what something like that would be for...

I'll see what else I can find; these stories are getting really weird...
Crash32
Master Chaos Chao
Master Chaos Chao
Posts: 5089
Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 8:19 am
Motto: <- Probably a reference to The Simpsons
Location: This is Tumblr, right? No pls don't be offended b-baka!!
Contact:

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 7

Post by Crash32 »

Image
User avatar
Nano
Legendary Chaos Chao
Legendary Chaos Chao
Posts: 12256
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 5:50 am
Motto: My kickstarter failed, but that's okay!
Location: Union of Chaoviet Socialist Republics

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 7

Post by Nano »

Best story ever.
Blazing Groudon
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1683
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Motto: ps no one never found clock man it was probably a hoax

Re: Bad Creepypasta Analysis Time: Subject 7

Post by Blazing Groudon »

Not for the samurai it wasn't.
Locked