Pootersman's Quest (On hold, busy with school)

Post your text based stories or read other user's pieces of fiction here!
Warning! This topic is 10 years and 10 months old! Please consider opening a new topic rather that bumping up this very old post.
Locked
User avatar
Omelet
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1313
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 9:25 pm

Pootersman's Quest (On hold, busy with school)

Post by Omelet »

(idk I had a sudden inspiration to write and this is what happened.)

Chapter One:

Once upon a time, there was a man named Pootersman. He had a fetish for dung and everything dung related. It was probably inspired by his name. His friends teased him continuously for collecting dung, calling him names such as McPoopy head and Sir Fecal. So he killed them. Why do you need friends when you have dung to keep you company, anyways?

However, Pootersman collection of dung was not complete. He was only missing one item, the rarest and hardest to find item of all; Rainbow Essence of Unicorn Dung. Legend claimed that this essence was made only once every 1000 years when the great Magical Rainbow Unicorn came to, well, do it's business on Earth. (Why would you want to defile a magical land of mythical creatures with your poo?)

He decided that he would set out on a quest to find that poop. He knew it would be a tough and long journey, and that he would need to acquire a lot of dinero in order to fund this trip. So, he decided to sell his home and put his entire dung collection into a small backpack he "got" from a young kid that had a yellow rat hitching a ride on his shoulder. Somehow, it all fit into the bag and still had plenty of room for more! He decided that he would patent this bag later on for profit.

Pootersman decided to start his journey in his home town: Chakkalakka Village. He knew that there was a wise geezer by the name of Lindseria that knew almost anything that anyone needed to know. He proceeded to her hut, only to get barked at by her pet dog, Dawgeron. And by bark, I really mean curse out Pootersman. Yeah, Dawgeron knew how to talk, and had a reputation for being the biggest pooty mouth in the village. Pirates that met the dog reported learning new curse words that they had never heard of before. that's how big his vocabulary was. Pootersman ignored the dog and entered the hut, seeing the shriveled figure of Lindseria crouched behind a fire. "What is that you seek, child?" the old woman croaked.

"Well," Pootersman started, "I was hoping you could point out the way to anywhere I can obtain a Rainbow Essence of Unicorn Dung. Might you be able to help me?"

"Hmmm..." Lindseria muttered, rubbing her wrinkly chin, "Maybe I can, but what's in it for me?"

"I'll give you 50 jadens." (People in the world Pooterman lives in use beetles and scarabs as currency. Jadens are one of the higher valued scarabs that they use.)

"Sold." The old lady greedily snatched the money from his hand and opened a pouch of skin on her tummy and dumped her in. No one knows why she has a pouch, but she does. It also seems to be like Pootersman's bag in which space within it is infinite. "I see... a colorful pastel forest... made of cotton candy trees with roads lined with gumdrops. Here is where you'll start your journey to find the item you seek." And with that, Lindseria fell into a deep slumber.

"Uh, ok, thank you." said Pootersman. Before he was about to leave though, Lindseria quickly woke up and shouted, "Take my pet, Dawgeron with you. He will be of great asset to you... SNORT." She was asleep once again.

"Ugh, I don't wanna take that mutt with me..." whined Pootersman, "All he does is curse and smell bad."

"HEY, I HEARD THAT YOU ******* PIECE OF ****." yelped Dawgeron. "I'M NOT TOO HAPPY EITHER THAT MY OWNER IS ******* MAKING ME GO WITH YOU EITHER SO SHUT THE **** UP."

"Let's just go, mutt."
Spoiler:
Once upon a time a man named Pootersman. He had a fetish for everything. Use of sludge and it was probably inspired by his name. His friends laughed at him constantly collect manure names him on the head McPoopy and Mr. fecal call. So he killed her. Why does your friend need to be nonsense to keep you, right?

However, Pootersman stool collection is not complete. One element is missing, the rarer and more difficult to find all the items, Unicorn Rainbow Essence absurd. Legend has it that these creatures are only in 1,000 years, when the great magical unicorn became, well, you do your business on earth. (Why do you want a magical land of mythical creatures unclean in their droppings?)

He decided that he never found the look for this ****. I knew it would be a long and difficult road, and obtains finance the trip. So a lot of money and decided to house his entire collection of manure boy riding a yellow rat had a small backpack that "the" for sale in the shoulder. Somehow, it all fits in your pocket and still have enough room for more! He decided he would go into the bag later patent profits.

Pootersman decided to start his journey in his hometown of Chakkalakka Village. Knew that it was a wise old man Lind's name Seria almost anything, no one needs to know the way. He went to the house, only to have the dog barking, Dawgeron. And the shell, I mean in addition to the curse of Pootersman. Yes, Dawgeron knew, and was considered the largest city in the mouth pooty. Pirates reported a dog to learn new epithets met who had never heard of it. it's how big it was in their vocabulary. Pootersman ignore the dog and came to the cabin and saw Lind Seria wrinkled shape crouched behind the fire. "What do you want, son?" croaked the old woman.

"Well," Pootersman began: "I was hoping you can open the way to a place where I can get a unicorn core of fertilizer will help you get to see" for me.?

"Hmmm ..." Lind Seria muttered, rubbing his wrinkled chin, "Maybe I can, but what is it to me?"

"I'll give you 50 Jaden." (People Fisherman live in a world of beetles legs and use it as currency. Jaden beetles are one of the most valuable they are using.)

"For Sale". The old woman eagerly snatched the money from his hand and opened the bag on the skin of the abdomen and in the remaining one does not know why he has a bag, but it does. It seems Pootersman bag with room for yourself all the time. "I see ... a set of pastel colored cotton candy trees ... of streets full of gummy bears. This is the beginning of his journey to find the item for you." Although Lind Seria fell into a deep sleep.

"Well, thank you." Pootersman said. Before he wanted to go, but as soon as Lind Seria up and shouted: "Take my pet, you Dawgeron It is a great advantage for you ... SNORT is .." He was asleep.

"Oh, I do not think the dog with me ..." Pootersman complained: "All you have to do is curse and a bad smell."

"Hey, I heard that ******* PIECE OF ****". Cried Dawgeron. "I am very happy because the owner ******* me so close to the **** UP".

"Come on, dog."
Last edited by Omelet on Sun May 26, 2013 5:55 pm, edited 5 times in total.
Mhhhmmm... I am tasty enough for you, anon-kun? *sizzle*
User avatar
Linds 269
Advanced Chaos Chao
Advanced Chaos Chao
Posts: 3021
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 9:13 pm
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Contact:

Re: Pootersman and the Rainbow Essence of Unicorn Dung

Post by Linds 269 »

This story...
Image
(19:42:34) chaosulitmaster: I find it so creppy that with a IP adress, you can find yuor hoes within a 15-20 mile radius. >.>
(18:57:45) Omelet: I AM INSERTING IT (13:17:50) Omelet: I DID INSERT IT
User avatar
Nintendawg
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1851
Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 1:01 am
Motto: "With a big enough lever, I can move the world."
Location: My soul's in the 7th dimension, but my body is in Southern California.
Contact:

Re: Pootersman and the Rainbow Essence of Unicorn Dung

Post by Nintendawg »

Were you high
Text my cell phone: 661-874-7568
Dropped by on March 21st, 2017 for nonstalgia's sake lmao.
Visited again on March 25th, 2021. Old friends...hope you are well.
Once more stopping by on January 17th, 2022.
Another visit on October 8th, 2023!
User avatar
Zacmac74
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1694
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2011 1:57 pm

Re: Pootersman and the Rainbow Essence of Unicorn Dung

Post by Zacmac74 »

Mike bby

What have you done
I was super young when I used this forum and probably said weird or odd stuff. Dont hold me to it!
Crash32
Master Chaos Chao
Master Chaos Chao
Posts: 5089
Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 8:19 am
Motto: <- Probably a reference to The Simpsons
Location: This is Tumblr, right? No pls don't be offended b-baka!!
Contact:

Re: Pootersman and the Rainbow Essence of Unicorn Dung

Post by Crash32 »

i thought this was going to be about the heavy weapons guy
i have been severly disappointed
User avatar
Omelet
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1313
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 9:25 pm

Re: Pootersman's Quest

Post by Omelet »

^ I have no idea what you're talking about
Zacmac74 wrote:Mike bby

What have you done
I don't know, inspiration can be lethal sometimes :(
Nintendawg wrote:Were you high
No, like I said, I was inspired to write and this was the result

Chapter 2 will be up today later
Mhhhmmm... I am tasty enough for you, anon-kun? *sizzle*
User avatar
Zacmac74
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1694
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2011 1:57 pm

Re: Pootersman's Quest

Post by Zacmac74 »

It's ok I still support you and your story
I was super young when I used this forum and probably said weird or odd stuff. Dont hold me to it!
User avatar
Lamby
Chaos Chao
Chaos Chao
Posts: 2228
Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2012 5:38 pm
Motto: running this block, running the chain gang
Location: 9th circle
Contact:

Re: Pootersman's Quest

Post by Lamby »

Omelet you could probably go far with satire/parody/comedy writing with a little college guidance in writing. You have a really good handle on it already. Could be a good freelance side job.
Image
"Oh baby won't you stop it/you and I haven't got it
Television romance "
User avatar
Omelet
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1313
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 9:25 pm

Re: Pootersman's Quest

Post by Omelet »

If you really think I could then maybe :o

I had to write a satire for English and I think the teach thought it was pretty good.
Mhhhmmm... I am tasty enough for you, anon-kun? *sizzle*
Triert
Master Chaos Chao
Master Chaos Chao
Posts: 5682
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:36 am

Re: Pootersman's Quest

Post by Triert »

This is a crappy story
User avatar
Omelet
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1313
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 9:25 pm

Re: Pootersman's Quest

Post by Omelet »

Not sure if insult or a clever pun but if it's an insult then get out.

If it's a clever pun, then thanks :3

Chapter 2
Pootersman and Dawgeron soon found themselves in the Candy Forest, which seemed to match the description that Lindseria gave them. There were lollipop flowers, a soda river, the rocks made of chocolate and brown sugar; everything looked edible. Especially that suspicious looking mint colored fox spying on them from a stump: it looked really delicious. Pootersman decided that he would treat himself to a little snack and try out the fox. Before he could though, the fox leaped away from his hands to a safe distance, growling at them.

"Stay away from me!" growled the fox. "Do you know who I am? DO YOU KNOW. WHO I AM. DO YOU? I am the great Minterith, one of the most dominate animals in this forest! I-"

"Minterith? You got to be kidding me!" Pootersman laughed, "That is the most ridiculous name I ever heard of! But, yeah, yeah, whatever, you're all that you think you are. I don't care, all you are is food to me." This enraged Minterith, causing him to bear his canines and leap at Pootersman's neck.

DIDIDIDIDIDIDI DI DI DI DI DI DI

Code: Select all

A wild Minterith appeared!
Pootersman was confused. "What am I suppose to do? Do I smack it or tap it's nose like what people do with cats and dogs?" Dawgeron nuzzled his ankle to get his attention. "Hmm? Oh yeah, I have you. " he muttered. "Um, just maul it to death or whatever you have to do to get it to stop acting up."

Code: Select all

Dawgeron used Maul!  It's super effective!

Code: Select all

Minterith fainted!  Dawgeron received 10 Exp. points!
"Wahhhh!" wailed Minterith, "This isn't the last you'll see of me! I'll go get reinforcements that will KILL YOU BOTH. Mwahahahahahaha- *cough* *cough* HACK *cough*. Sorry, hairball..." Then with that, the vulpine scurried off into a snowcap bush into the darkness of the forest.

Pootersman ran towards the direction Minterith took, "Hey! I was gonna eat you! Come back, PLS!" Minterith obviously didn't come back. Pootersman plopped himself onto a white chocolate stump in a slump and let out a sigh. "So... hungry... nothing to eat... not like forest is edible..." He was about to continue on until a bright light in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He noticed that it was Dawgeron and it looked like he was about to explode!

"HIT THE DECK!" cried Pootersman as he threw himself onto the ground, screaming like a little girl. He noticed though that Dawgeron seemed to be changing shape, and not exploding to destroy most of the forest, so he pulled himself back up to see what was going on.

Code: Select all

What's this?  Dawgeron is evolving!


DI DI DI DI. DU DU DU DU DU DU DU-

"CHOCO SMASH." A huge fist came plumetting down onto Dawgeron, stopping the evolution and instantly killing him. The fist lifted up, revealing a dog pancake, with bones serving as chocolate chips, blood as the syrup, eyeballs taking the place of...

"Okay, we don't need to hear about all of that!" said Pootersman disgustingly. He was about to rant even further until he noticed an ominous shadow looming over him and deep, heavy breathing. He turned around to behold what looked like a bunny, except only ten times bigger, and having a weird pastel blue coloring to its fur. Minterith was standing beside it, a smug look on his face.

"I told you I'd find reinforcements, didn't I?" he sneered. "Now, Chocolatiah, finish him off. we don't need scum like him hanging around this forest."

"BLARG." grunted the rabbit. It raised its oversized fists over Pootersman, but he quickly rolled out of the way under a bush before the fists hit the forest floor. He let out a sigh of relief and kept quiet, hoping that they thought he ran into the forest instead.

Minterith began pouting, "Drat, he got away! I can't believe you missed him. What good are you for? Quick, we must chase him and not let him escape!" Minterith scurried off into the direction he thought Pootersman took as Chocolatiah stomped after him. When the coast seemed clear, Pootersman crawled out from under the bush and walked over to Dawgeron's remains to investigate.

Code: Select all

Got a Dog Pancake! This might be useful later on.
He stuffed the meat patty into his bag and proceeded down the path that they were originally taking. I really hope I find that dung soon. I wasn't cut out for adventures like these...

A shrill scream from nearby broke him from his thoughts. "Help me, anyone, please! I'm in danger! Can anyone hear me? Help!" Pootersman knew that this was a cry for help and ran in the direction the screams were coming from. Hopefully he could get there in time...
Mhhhmmm... I am tasty enough for you, anon-kun? *sizzle*
Triert
Master Chaos Chao
Master Chaos Chao
Posts: 5682
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:36 am

Re: Pootersman's Quest (Chapter 2 up)

Post by Triert »

This story is full of ****

(They're puns)
User avatar
Zacmac74
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1694
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2011 1:57 pm

Re: Pootersman's Quest (Chapter 2 up)

Post by Zacmac74 »

Haha that was really great mike. Keep up the good work.
I was super young when I used this forum and probably said weird or odd stuff. Dont hold me to it!
eblu
Chaos Chao
Chaos Chao
Posts: 2284
Joined: Sun May 03, 2009 7:28 pm

Re: Pootersman's Quest (Chapter 2 up)

Post by eblu »

These Pokémon references equate to poop.
User avatar
Omelet
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1313
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 9:25 pm

Re: Pootersman's Quest (Chapter 2 up)

Post by Omelet »

The story begins to unravel~

Chapter 3


Pootersman soon found himself at a part of the soda river where the current was rapid and saw an elderly gent clinging onto a candy cane branch, trying not to be carried away. It looked like he was losing his strength fast and would give up at any minute. Pootersman quickly ran down the bank to try and see if he could save him.

"Oh, thank God, someone found me!" the man cried. "Please, pull me up, I can't hold on much longer with my frail hands." Pootersman grabbed hold of his free hand and mustered up all of his strength to pull him out. The elderly man collapsed in a heap upon reaching the bank, soda spilling off of him and making him a sticky mess. "Ugh, I look so unkept now... I'll never be able to see the Queen in this state!" he muttered.

"The Queen?" Pootersman asked.

"Yeah, I was going to the Candy Rock Palace to-"

"You mean rock candy." Pootersman corrected.

"No, Candy Rock. They're two different things. Anyways, I was going to the Palace on orders from The Cornucopia, where I reside, to meet with Queen Candy to discuss important business. But, enough about me, exactly who are you? You don't like a denizen from here."

"I'm Pootersman, the most famous dung collecter throughout the land!" he stated proudly.

"Oh, I see... so, are you from the Manure Fields?" Cran asked.

"THERE'S A PLACE CALLED THE MANURE FIELDS?!"

"Erm, nevermind..." mumbled the senior. "Anyways, my name is Sir Cran. If you would be so kind, could you escort me to the Palace? I really don't wanna run into that dastardly fox again, they were the one who pushed me into that river."

"Wait, you allowed that scrawny thing Minterith to overcome you?!" laughed Pootersman.

"No, it wasn't him." replied Sir cran, a little annoyed, "It was his older sister. She's trying not to allow me to meet with the Queen because our business arangement will involve industrilizing parts of the forest."

"I see... but why are you going to destroy parts of this lovely forest?"

Sir Cran sighed, "It's because of that scoundrel Unicerus. She and her troops are trying to take over all of the land of our beloved planet, and the citizens here just don't have the necessary defences to hold them off for once they get here. So, we were planning on building factories to supply weaponry, but with that fox trying to get in the way, it doesn't look like that's going to be happening. We need to try and find a way in convincing her to cooperate."

"Well..." Pootersman thought, "if we see her on our way over there, we'll try to convince her then. Meanwhile, let's start heading to the Palcae before it gets dark."

"Yes, it almost past five. The sun will soon be down."

"WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE QUEEN, THE WONDERFUL QUEEN OF-"

"Please don't"

"Ugh, fine..."

-----

Meanwhile, in the bushes nearby...

"Mwehehehehehe... they really think they'll be able to stop Master? they are foolish for thinking so!" snickered a shadowy figure. Just then, a cotton candy colored pink fox came sauntering out from some other bushes, flicking her head to make her hair, er, fur? I don't know, whatever it is, but she flicked her head to make it seem to cascade all over her flawless face. "Oh good, you've finally arrived, Pinky!" the shadowy figured cackled in his sickly sweet voice.

"Ugh, I told you, don't call me that. My name is just Pink. simple as that." she sneered.

"Ah, why can't you have a creative but stupid looking name like all of the other people and animals that live on this planet?" the man said.

"Because for the reason that the names sound stupid."

"Ah, whatever, my friend." he said with a flick of his hand as he floated eerily towards Pink. "Anyways, we must not let those goons get to the palace. Round up your little brother and his big ol' bunny pal and stop them at once. We wouldn't want them to destroy your home, would we?"

"Yes, sir, I'll do so right away." she replied. "Sir, I can't thank you enough for agreeing to help me and my friends protect this wonderful forest. We are forever in your debt."

"Anything I can do for you, my sweet foxy pal. Now, run along now. They must almost be there."

Authors note:
The man is not who you think it is.
Mhhhmmm... I am tasty enough for you, anon-kun? *sizzle*
eblu
Chaos Chao
Chaos Chao
Posts: 2284
Joined: Sun May 03, 2009 7:28 pm

Re: Pootersman's Quest (Chapter 2 up)

Post by eblu »

I don't get a cameo, but WHO CARES
User avatar
Omelet
Veteran Chao
Veteran Chao
Posts: 1313
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 9:25 pm

Re: Pootersman's Quest (Chapter 2 up)

Post by Omelet »

I already have all the characters planned for this area so... yeah, not for now
Mhhhmmm... I am tasty enough for you, anon-kun? *sizzle*
Locked